Over the past year, I have been getting my life back on track. Sprogs are older, I’m in much better health and starting a career path that I have finally grown the balls to pursue. But one thing I lack is a mutual fucking partner, someone that feels the same way I do! By that, I mean someone who isn’t going to get too attached, too clingy or whinge that they can’t see me on a certain evenings.
Don’t get me wrong, I was all for the never ending romance, the relationships and the dating game but it’s too boring for me. Dating websites are my worst enemy. I seem to attract the numb-nuts who think they can play a good game but are more transparent than a window. The types who tell you what you want to hear
“Yes, I am looking to date and hopefully settle into something more”
And the
“No, I am not looking to play games!”
Yes, yes you are looking to play games. You are looking to take me out, get a few drinks down my neck, seduce me with your lame attempts and have a fondle that will last maybe 4 minutes and 23 seconds, followed by the “You will never have been fucked, like I’m about to fuck you right now…..”
Really? 2 pumps, a few squirts and you recoil into the fetal position for 5 minutes before slumping off into a world of regret, promising to text me tomorrow but disappearing into the bottomless pit of POF.
You know exactly what I am talking about, if you are reading this, I’m sure you do?
I am not sure where this post is leading to but I thought if I lead with a genuine rant, it would turn out somewhere, so bear with me.
What am I really after? Monogamy? Not really, I am not looking to settle down. I have been married, did the whole ‘living in each others pockets and had kids’ but it wasn’t for me (the marriage, the kids I adore). Nor am I after a deep–seeded–fall–to–my–knees love affair or mega commitment, I suppose I would see myself currently as polyamorous.
I work unsociable hours the majority of the time and I don’t do a typical Monday to Friday job, so weekends can be a no-go area. Finding a partner to fit around my life-style is proving to be a pain in the arse. Everyone seems fixated on living via their phones and this really pisses on my fire at the best of times.
Yes, I do tweet a lot and can talk the arse end off a horse but it doesn’t mean I’m planning to stalk a new potential-fuck, like I’m 007!
I also don’t expect to be hassled either. Let me take you through an example, that I recently experienced.
I had met a guy via Tinder (dating app), I wasn’t really on a look out but was browsing one day, whilst taking a 30 minute break and this guy pops up. Cute in that geeky sense, tall, good job, seems alright. After a few days of chatting, we agree to meet, he pulls out, no issue on my part. But he starts up the conversation again, so we agree to meet, meet goes ahead and all is well. I set out my wants and desires, I tell him I’m more ‘free spirited’ and not looking for anything heavy and he seems fine with this.
Fast forward a week later and I’m working on days from 05:30am til 22:00pm, with hardly any breaks. I’ve told him I can’t talk over the phone and will reply when I can but does this stop him going 80% Glen Close towards my poor poor mobile? No! A barrage of texts ranging from “I miss you” to “You fucking someone else, is that why you aren’t answering?” sent me on my merry way. This simply will not do, poor sod got the sharp end of my tongue that evening and not in any good sense, bye Felicia!
So I decided to be more ‘frank’ on my dating profiles:
“Single mum, hard worker, not looking to be dragged down the aisle but looking to be dragged into bed”
This tactic did work, although I did receive a few unwarranted messages on the lines of being a potential home-wrecker, slag, slut, whore, might as well charge for my time……suppose you get the drift. So why is it that a man can fuck about like a rabbit on speed but when a woman does, she’s the devils spawn?
It has worked, I met a couple of different guys, who are forthcoming with honesty and are looking for what I am looking for. Any of them a long running keeper? Not at this moment in time, they were brilliant at relaxing with and enjoying the odd evening or two indulging in good food and fine wine but sexually, they didn’t hit my ball ‘outta the park’.
I have been faced with a bit of negativity in my ‘off line’ life, regarding this, from friends. I don’t think they understand the whole ‘being free’ aspect of my life. I don’t want to be pinned down, my sexual life is the only thing I have that I can take control over and I will damn well do so. They’ve asked am I OK with people thinking I’m ‘putting it about’ or being a slut? What is it to them? It’s not like I meet someone on a date and say
“hang on mate, gimme a second”
As I run outside, call up Heart Radio FM and announce to the whole of Berkshire that I’m about to fuck this guy into the wee hours of the morning!
No, I won’t. It’s my life to do with it as I please, as long as I am practicing safe and consensual sex, then what is the issue?
It’s not like I drag drunks out of a pub and demand sex, no that’s not me! I have to have some form of attraction bond or it’s a no-goer. They need to stimulate my mind, as well as my lady bits.
Suppose my journey is still on it’s road to fulfillment….and yes, there is a lot of fun to be had, I’m only after ‘Mr Right Now’.
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